Something in the Wind
by ArianVelia
Summary: A Madam Red fanfiction somewhat based on "Sally's Song"
1. Something in the wind

_I sense there's something in the wind. _

I don't want to go to this party, but since Sister asked me, I will. After all it's for Ciel, not him. I can't get over him, no matter how much I try. He invades my mind, he won't leave my heart. I am such a sinful woman, having married. Angelina Durless Barnett. Even then I cannot forget the pain of being unnoticed. I will just have to avoid him. I'll avoid Him, for my sake, for Sister's sake, for Ciel's sake.

Why is the driver stopping the carriage? It's just a little more to the manor. I step out of the carriage, and what I see shocks me. Red. That colour You make me love, the colour that You make me hate. It covers your and Sisters house in red, crimson flames. They dance teasingly, hauntingly.

_It feels like tragedies at hand._

"Rachael," I cry. "Nephew, Ciel, Sister". I scream Your name. "Vincent….Vincent Phantomhive"! There is no reply to my plies, to my screams, my shouts. Just the sound of those flames that swirl menacingly, engulfing your home. A few hours later the once splendorous mansion is in sooty ruins. There is little left of Phantomhive Manor.

There is nothing left; we found your bodies, holding onto each other till the end. I am jealous. I wanted You to notice me that way, so that even if it was our fate to die, it would be together. I remember when I was young, when we had only just met. You told me my red hair was "beautiful, just like the colour of red spider lilies in full bloom". You said red suited me. Yet that colour only brings me sadness.

A while later, after that happened, I guess you could say I couldn't take it anymore. Those women who didn't deserve to have children don't want to have children, yet I cannot. My husband, though he wasn't You, had been a good man. I had met him, Lord Barnett, at a party. He hadn't minded if I loved You. I remember him being so excited when he found out I was pregnant.

"Is it a girl or a boy"? My husband sits next to me, happy and gleaming with joy. I can honestly say I love him right now. Ah, the fire feels warm. "This is as perfect as my life can get," I think delightedly. I am happy now. Maybe I can even forget You.

"Men are so impatient," I joke. "I don't know yet". He hugs me and I can see in his eyes the wonder of the thought of a child. Our child. I will love it, him or her. I think about that and a thought creeps into my head. It will be his child. Not yours.

When Sister had her child, I was amazed at the new life. The new life that belonged to her and You. So small, fragile, perfect lying in my arms as I helped to deliver him. I was once again jealous. And he looks like You. Ciel, You name him. Heaven, I could never have you.

Then that accident happens. My husband dies, and to save my life, the doctors perform a surgery. My child is taken, perhaps he was already dead. When I wake up, I am told I can never have children. I am alone. I lost the people who I learning to love, to adore. I think I wish I had died with them. Sister visits to cheer me up, but does she just make me hate her?

I come back to where I am, the present, and out of my flashback. I am washing the blood off my hands from the last surgery. Those prostitutes, why can they have children but not I? They take so much for granted. I will take this no longer.

_And though I'd like to stand by him,_

I remembered the last one's address. I walk to it; I don't want to have any one find me out. It's dingy in this part of town, especially at night. I will have to add some colour to it, won't I? Perfect timing, a man is saying goodbye, a drunk smile on his face. She waves and I wait for him to disappear around the corner. I calmly walk toward her.

"You're the one from that one time…". She doesn't finish and the alley way is painted in the red of her blood. It spurts into the dark night from the dagger wound to the thought. I make sure I'm finished when I hear a voice behind me.

"Oh my, what a job you have completed..." A voice called out sweetly. I glance up to see a man, completely dressed in red, standing on the churches rooftop, holding onto the steeple in the moonlight. "I have been observing you. Thanks to you, the death list in this area is filled to the brim." He jumps down, and strides toward me.

_Can't shake this feeling that I have._

"Makes me real busy indeed. I can understand your feelings; its only right that women like them should die". He smiles, and his teeth shine. I gasp. They were sharp, and not unlike fangs. He is lean, red haired, and seems slightly feminine." Like you, I also want a child but I can't have my wish fulfilled since I am a guy. We actually share the same fate". Somehow, I feel a pull toward him. "Let me help you in this", he pauses. "In this interesting…..business".

I decide to listen to him and he tells me of who he is, what he is, and why he wants to help me. His name is Grell, a Shinigami or Death God. He will help me take revenge on the horrible women who don't appreciate their ability to have children.

_The worst is just around the bend._


	2. Will he notice?

_And does he notice…_

Grell, it seems, is the worst man alive to be a butler. He burns the toast, he spills the jam, and breaks the teacups. Once again I'm jealous of my nephew, and his perfect butler. And Grell, is he even a man? I don't know, and I wonder if I want to know. He is, for sure, not human.

Grell is….not what many think he, or she, is. Sometimes I want him to just make up his mind! Is he a girl or not? Truthfully, he is not my butler. He is like companion, not a slave, but close to a master. He tells me what to do, bosses me…yet he is weak. He does as I say, he plays along with my whims.

We are not friends. We are merely allies, working together, using each other for a purpose. Manipulative…I wonder who shall be the last one standing. I, a mere human, or the Death god?

Perhaps I am not as human as I once thought I was. Being covered in the blood of "those" women is not exactly a practical thing for any Victorian, tea-drinking, "long live the Queen"-singing, woman, not even for a doctor. I hope Ciel never realizes what I do, this person I have become, in a matter of weeks.

…_my feelings for him?_

Along with my new "hobby", I have decided to try and….get…Grell. That is, when he is deciding he is a man. Its amusing. Though he isn't my lover…yet, I am more than slightly attracted to him, he reeks of insanity, of excitement.

He does not belong to me. I do not belong to him. It is as it should, but it has been so long since I have felt that type of…admiration. It is not something you can pick up and toy with at a party, it is something, a understanding. I know my sister had it with…Vincent. I am sure I had something of it from my late husband. I am weak, aren't I? I don't like to be alone.

_And will he see…_

His voice interrupts my thoughts…

"Madam, we will be late"! He is wearing a dress, today is one of those days.

"Grell! You CANNOT wear that in public! You are to act masculine, however hard that is for you", I tease.

Does he notice I like it when he is a man? I just hope he doesn't act so…frail. Feminine. Please, someone, make him understand his gender!

"But…Madam! I want to look my best to meet your nephew"! He is excited…idiot. I groan.

"Ciel would have a fit, if he saw a man in a dress! He at least has some sense!" I like to spit word, like venom, to get Grell's attention. The thrill of it is extraordinary!

"Mada….Angelina! It isn't fair"! I am shocked, annoyed, rejoicing. He idiot Shinigami!

"Now GO! Get changed this instant". I treat him like a child, and hid my happiness. He scurries off, and I am proud. I am victorious! I am…invincible! Or so it seems…

…_how much he means to me._

The meeting with Ciel was a disaster. Grell, I wish him dead currently, ruined everything! And now he has a attraction…a strong attraction, to Sebastian. What is wrong with these butlers! Have they no decency! …And I fear Grell not only likes red, but pink. Such a sorry cousin to red! Red, fearless, cannot be compared to the silly excuse of a colour, a hiding pink.

_I think its not to be._


End file.
